The End of the Safari

​It’s been a little over a week since Leo’s safari made its final stop. We received a phone call at 9:02 PM on Friday explaining that the home study results were in and the Grandmother had been approved. He would be leaving Tuesday and please share all pertinent information. After I said goodbye, Patrick and I just sat on the couch in silence with a few tears. The day we knew would be coming, had been picked. 

I still don’t know which I prefer, to know when a child is leaving or for it to be a surprise like JJ. The next few days were full of telling him how much we loved him, giving extra kisses, taking him to people to say their own goodbyes, and knowing that each ______ would be one of or the last time we would have with him. We couldn’t help but be happy and sad from Friday to Tuesday. I typed an “About Me” page for Leo and a letter to his mom. I packed his bag. We kept adding things to it as the days went by. He was growing so fast we really only had a week’s worth of clothes to give. 

Tuesday morning, Patrick packed my car. I caught him taking selfies with Leo and talking to him. He told him how much we love him and that he will always be ours in some way. I loaded Leo and Joy into the car and headed to day care. I teared up a few times on the drive just thinking about the last time I had this daunting drive, just over a year prior, Logan. I pulled myself together scrounging for a napkin to dab my eyes and settling for Joy’s jacket I found behind my seat. 

We got to day care and I unloaded Joy and the bags, then went for Bubby. As I unbuckled him he was so smiley and happy. I whispered how much I love him and how happy I was for him. I brought him inside and handed him over. Thankfully we discussed his horrible caseworker and transporter and that they would probably be late. It truly kept me from crying. I gave both of them hugs and kisses and left. 

As I drove away, I took some deep breathes and just sobbed. I again said to my self, “Okay, you did it. This is a happy ending” I have continued to tell myself this. I made myself stop crying so I could try and put myself together for work. I made it to work with a dry face and began the day. 

Around 11 o’clock, Leo was picked up. Terri, our wonderful day care owner, said she had all the kids say goodbye and give him hugs and kisses. I’m so glad Terri and Joy have that memory. We picked Joy up and were prepared for the worst. We avoided bath time because we feared she would naturally ask for him. She loved to splash and play with him and had begun washing his hair. She didn’t say one word about Bubby until Saturday. We think it’s because we had some down time. She will see his picture on our phones, watches or in the house and point to him and ask for him. 

We gave a way to contact us, but I don’t think we will ever hear from his family. I know God is watching over him and has a plan. As for us, we have decided to stay “closed” until after we get back from Europe in June. I put quotations around the word because it’s weird going from 2 kids to just one. We have decided to open up for respite care and emergency short term placements until June, starting after Easter. 

Looking back on our experience with Leo, I see all the very hard months we had and reflect on what a good team my husband and I are. We both really try to pick up where the other one can’t. I couldn’t do this with anyone else. I am so, so thankful for him. I can also reflect on how it told me to say “no”. “No I can’t commit to this.” Or “No, we just can’t.” Patrick and I both have a hard time telling people “No”. This was definitely a lesson God was teaching us. 

We will shift our focus on being present with Joy and enjoying all her fun little age has to offer! Her mom also appealed the termination 😩 That whole saga will be another blog post! 

For now we are happy to have known and loved Leo and to get to be part of his happy beginning of life with his family!