Could This Be Forever?

​Buckle up folks, this is going to be a long one! If you do not want to read all the details, I will place a header for what is coming next and you can scroll down to it. 

The Details

November 7, I received a call from Joy’s CPS worker while at recess with my class. She said that she wanted to tell me that she has officially changed Joy’s goal from reunification to unrelated adoption. She said that Joy would not be having any more visits and her Mom had checked into rehab. I was shocked. I said, “Wait, are you telling me that I am going to be able to adopt this child?” She said, “Yes, that’s what I’m saying, but still be cautious. I can’t tell the future.” I looked at one of my paras, and started to tear up. She knows me pretty well, so I quickly turned around. I didn’t really know what to ask and was very surprised. I remember telling her this is a lot to process. She kept telling me she wanted me to know before our meeting the next week. 

I got off the phone and all 3 of my paras stood up and were asking what was wrong. I started crying again and told them it was highly likely that we get to adopt Joy. They all cried and gave me a hug. If I haven’t told you about how great these women are, ugh! I could write a whole post about them! They then asked how I would tell Patrick. I was like “AHHH! I have no idea!” We all chatted through it and in the end we were all hoping Patrick gave me more than jazz hands. When I told Patrick about getting our first placement, I tried to get it on video but he was in his underwear and gave me jazz hands. Talk about disappointment! The ladies were the first ones I sent the video to, they all said they were on edge waiting for it! 

I made a little paper to surprise Patrick with the news. I took a video while surprising him and it was so precious. No jazz hands, just tears and kisses!  We then told our parents. It was really hard to keep it in that we were 80% sure we were going to get to be Joy’s parents forever. 

Fast forward to the next week, or the “big meeting”. Her advocate, CPS worker, and Ad Litem all came over. CPS shared her change in goal, which apparently no one else knew about. Then she shared the Mom had given 2 names for Joy to go to. My heart sank. More? We have to go through more people?! I started asking questions about next steps and what do we do etc. They can’t tell us a lot, so I have to craft questions in around about ways to get the information I need. I found out: Mom chose rehab over prison, meaning she violated her parole, CPS is consistently stepping into the 1 hour supervised visits to coach the Mom (this make sense that Joy is so attached to her caseworker), the Mom can continue to give names until her rights are terminated, and visits would start back after she gets out of rehab. That was all a lot to swallow. 

I asked if I could provide an activity for Joy and her Mom to do while at the visits. The last few visits they have had did not go well and Joy didn’t want to leave daycare. Our precious daycare lady really gets the raw end of visit day. She said it breaks her heart when Joy is screaming for her and she has to leave for a visit. This really concerns me because Joy really likes her transporter. This change in emotion also tells me that she is starting to get uncomfortable during her visits. Apparently we can’t cancel visits even though I really advocated for it. 

Then the attorney asked me how much we were willing to “do” because there was mediation coming up. This is Mom’s opportunity to make a deal and sign her rights over. For example, she could sign over her rights and create a deal where we give updates and pictures every month and she can send Joy gifts.  I shared our boundaries of being willing to anonymously send updates and pictures and even make an effort to have her see her siblings, as long as our names are never put out there. Joy’s Mom is still dangerous. She told me she would follow up during or after mediation. Our court date happen to be the next day. 

Mediation day comes and I got a call 20 mins in. Mom and her attorney were a no show. It was rescheduled for later in the day. They showed up and then stopped the mediation 30 minutes in, because Mom was unwilling to listen to anything. 

The next day we had court. Mom gave 3 more names. So far no one has panned out. 

The Current Talk and Next Steps

• I have received a few phone calls from a few people on her team that have encouraged us to be cautiously optimistic. One even saying she believes it is an “open and shut case, don’t hire an attorney”. We have been told all of the names given, on a quick check, have issues already and are not expected to pass. 
  
• January 26 is trial. This day it is expected Mom will lose her rights. When that happens, it blocks her and all family from Joy. Joy will then be matched with us and we move to adoption. 
• If the above happens, Joy will have a farewell visit. I can’t even fathom what that will be like. I want Joy to know that her Mom loved her. I want her to know that she wanted her but was sick and couldn’t take care of her. The question lingering in my mind is: “How can I encourage a positive and meaningful last visit?” I suppose it’s a later problem. 

What can you do? Pray. 

1. Pray for Joy’s Mom. Her Mom is stuck in a nasty cycle of mental health and being raised in a deep hole she doesn’t know how to get out of. Pray for her to find peace. 
   
2. Pray for Joy. The next few months her future will be determined for her. No matter what the outcome, she will have to live it. Adoption may be a gift but it comes with an emotional price, I don’t think anyone escapes. 
3. Pray for her team. We love them, and they are awesome! Her team is her voice and we want them to be heard. 
4. Pray for us and our families. Pray for our hearts to be able to accept whatever God’s answer is. Pray that we continue to cast our anxiety onto God. Pray that our walk reflects Christ’s love. 

Although it may be selfish, we will be praying that Joy Claire gets to remain, Joy Claire for the rest of her life.